So it begins....

Hi, I'm Mike, I said as though it were a perfectly normal greeting to start a new blog with. I guess that in order to get to know me a little more, I really should try to explain why exactly I'm here.

I'm a writer, you see...isn't that what we all aspire to tell people? I know that it's what I've dreamt of for many years now. But the thing is, you see, that I've never really been brave enough. Perhaps that's not entirely accurate, as the commitment of life takes over; the mortgage, the kids, the divorce, the maintenance payments...they all just seemed to make being a wage slave infinitely more important than following my dream to write and see if I could scrape together enough money to bump along with a deep sense of self satisfaction. Don't get me wrong, I'm no martyr, in fact I've been very lucky in my professional life which has seen me travel the world, see some amazing places and meet some inspiring (and some not so inspiring) people.

You see, it started about 10 years ago when I first separated. I suddenly found myself sitting in my newly rented apartment each evening with no company, save for my slightly deranged cat, Millie. Of course, I did what most newly single people do when they come out of a 15 year relationship. I drank. A lot. The first year post-separation was spent in a delicious haze of red wine, something that only changed with the coming of my first summer alone, when I took the brave decision of switching to white instead. I found that as I spent my evenings wallowing in my misery and misfortune, that putting it down into words was actually quite a cathartic experience.

In the early days this found its way out of me as a sort of moronic poetry, lacking both form and content, being closer to the truth of the drunken ramblings that they were, than a piece of beauty. Realising that my potential reputation as a future writer of some note was in danger of falling into the same unhealthy state as my liver, I eventually cut back on the booze. Miraculously, this improved my poetry writing skills quite considerably, in fact to the point where people actually read them and said nice things to me. Now I don't know about you, but I love being told something that I've done is good. It gives me a real buzz and was something that, at the time, I fed off and used as my motivation to write more, with a small degree of success.

So I blame them. Who, you ask? Them! The people who said nice things about my poetry, it's all their fault. You see, they planted the seed, they awoke my inner desire to create and to write. I carried on until I had hundreds of poems, some were even very good. But to what point, I would ask myself? That's when the bright idea struck me, I was going to write a book. Now, in terms of timelines, you have to realise that this is going back about 7 years now, which is quite a while to have such an itch.

I set off like a devil on speed, beginning with Surviving Divorce - A Man's Guide. This was my satirical take on the ups and downs that men go through after a divorce. Genius, or so I thought. But I'd done what I had so often in the past, I'd set off like an express train burning my keyboard, then after about 6,000 words I ran out of proverbial coal, my fire dampened until it spluttered and expired.

Next came my attempt at a post-apocalyptic survival novel. This one was even better, as I had written about 5,000 words before being completely distracted by the need to research agents and publishers, becoming more and more consumed with the almost impossible process of trying to get my book published. Premature? Uhm, well yes you could say that. Especially as all that my research achieved was to thoroughly dishearten me and dampen my enthusiasm.

What did I do next? The short answer is that I gave up. There was a brief flirting with giving up work for a year to give it a real shot, but I was never brave enough. Then, as so often before, time and circumstance swung my life in a new direction. I took a new job that meant moving 370 miles form my home, up to the edge of the Cairngorms in Northern Scotland. Not only was this a new job, but a brand new industry as well, which consumed me. My energy was totally expended by the point that evenings and weekends came around, leaving me exhausted and without a single creative spark in my body.

Then something happened. I'm yet to know if it was a good, or bad thing. I fell ill, needing surgery that quite literally took the wind from my sails and left me exhausted. The first 7 weeks post surgery were spent in a drug induced, hallucinogenic coma. Were I partial to drugs, this might have been a more pleasant experience, however I can assure you that it was pretty horrible.

Then, oh boy then, the drugs wore off and I have found myself with time. For the first time in my adult life, I actually have time. I'm hopeful that I'll be back at work in a couple of months, but whilst I can't drive and I can't really go anywhere, I've been taking the time to boil up some creative juices and give things another shot. I sense that I'm at a crossroads and, whilst I don't know where the destination is, I'm now wholly committed to the journey.

What's the blog all about? Will I fall short again in my attempt to write my first novel? I can tell you that, having been through the ups, downs and dead stops of trying to write one before, I might be able to bring a little experience to people thinking of trying to follow the same path that I've tried. Maybe my full steam ahead catastrophe's will help some aspiring writer out there to avoid that particular pitfall. I have certainly learned my lesson from it. As for falling short, I've already reached 25,000 words this time, in only a few weeks. By my reckoning I have a real shot of finishing the first draft by the time I'm well enough to return to work. My time off has helped me to reassess where I am and what's really important to me. My post divorce financial commitments will soon be at an end, so why shouldn't I go all out to create the life for myself that I really want? I sense that, if I didn't at least try my very hardest right now, then I might never forgive myself whenever I play "what if" in my darker moments.

There, that should give you a pretty good catch up on how I got here. Whenever I get the chance I'll drop by on here and give you an update on the ups and downs, hopefully with no full stops. I'm not going to blurb on all about the story and how wonderful it is, whilst there is a time and place for self marketing, this blog is not intended for that.

Incidentally, the first 25,000 words have already had their ups and downs. Only 2 days ago I was tearing my mind apart in frustration that I couldn't find the will to write a single word. Guess what? The vat of white wine worked a treat, there I was at 6.30am next morning writing like a dervish for the rest of the day.

Oh, and one more thing. This time I already have my whole story fully mapped out, with the next 3 chapters planned in even more detail.

It seems as though this writing malarkey is actually quite good fun...when you do it right!